


I'm Staring at a Ghost

by circusgymgirl



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, First Dates, Implied/Referenced Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:55:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24658699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/circusgymgirl/pseuds/circusgymgirl
Summary: Meredith is set up on blind date with no idea who it will turn out to be.





	I'm Staring at a Ghost

I push open the door, wondering, for the millionth time, why I agreed to this. I can’t remember the last time I went on a date, and that’s mostly by choice. Enough that I have little to look forward to in this blind date . My roommate, Jenna, knows this, and yet she wouldn’t let up about setting me up after I came out, by accident, last week. Which is why, instead of sitting on my bed listening to music and drawing, like I usually do on Friday nights—or, really, on all nights—I’m wearing a dress, heels and about four pounds of makeup—my other roommate, Erica’s doing—and walking into the fanciest restaurant in the tiny college town in which I currently reside.

Standing behind the hostess table, Jenna smiles at me. I glare back. 

“Welcome to Tavanis!” 

I roll my eyes at her fake waitress smile and she drops it. 

“I’m here for the torment you’re offering this evening. Can you point me that way?”

“Mere,” she says, her stare heavy and disapproving, “come on! This is going to be fun. And if not, it’s at least going to be good for you. You need to get out more.”

I roll my eyes. “No, I don’t. But I’m here, so I guess we’re doing this. You’re here if I need to bail?” I reconfirm as my annoyance turns to nerves. 

“You won’t need to bail,” Jenna says, which is as close to confirmation as I’ll get. “The torment is  waiting at the corner booth.”

I nod and head past her, feeling slightly gratified she put us at my favorite booth. But I don’t show it. 

She’s going to pay for this and she knows it, but I guess she doesn’t care. Never has, really. From the moment she met me, she’s been on a mission to turn me into the kind of girl who smiles fake waitress smiles and goes out to clubs with her when I was always meant to be the kind of girl who sits in her room, alone, making the things in her head come to life on the page in front of her. 

I smooth my dress as I get close and adjust my walk so my heels click on the dark wood floors, trying to alert whatever girl Jenna coerced into going out with me that I’m approaching, thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve been on a date. Years, since high school, and then it was always with guys who never mattered in the slightest. Pawns in a scheme to keep me firmly where I felt most comfortable: deep in the closet. And while I’m sure nothing’s going to happen tonight, my first ever date with a woman is still nerve racking. And this train of thought sure isn’t helping. 

As soon as I’m in clear view of the table, I place my foot down just hard enough to make the woman already sitting there look up from her phone.

It takes me a beat longer than it should to recognize her, but once I do I can’t get myself back on track. Introduce myself, sit down, apologize for making her come out. Maybe because I don’t need to introduce myself. Or maybe because the girl I’m supposed to be going on a date with—a lesbian date—is the same girl who told me, repeatedly, I was going to hell for being gay. The one who told me she hated me and could never look at me the same. 

I’m thrown back seven years to high school, when I kissed her and she couldn’t even look at me afterwards. How my best friend was disgusted by this thing about me. How someone who told me she loved me no matter what, time and time again, threw it all away because of one thing, one miniscule part of my identity she couldn’t accept. How this girl, the same one I’m supposed to be on a date with, is the only person who has truly broken my heart—and in more ways than one. 

“Lilia?” As in, my former best friend, my first crush, my first love and my first heartbreak. My first everything. 

I want to turn and walk away, curse Jenna out tonight, and not have to deal with this piece of my past. But then she meets my eyes, and her lips quirk up into a half smile, and I’m twelve again—compelled to follow her wherever she goes, unable to face the strange, unwanted butterflies in my chest 

“Meredith. You’re a hard woman to track down, you know.”

Despite everything, this intrigues me. I didn’t think I’d left behind anyone who would try to find me. And so, against my better judgement, I slide into the seat opposite her, realizing I was never really going to leave. 


End file.
